Friday, March 02, 2012

America is getting punked by congress.

Mitt Romney wrote Obama in 2009 urging him to include an individual mandate??? Wait a minute. I've seen this before. This isn't real. This was a TV show starring Ashton Kutcher. Our government has to be pranking us. In my mind, this is more or less how the conversation went:

"OK guys here's the plan. Everyone just say really crazy things about Obama. At the same time, Mitt, make sure there is zero daylight between you and Obama on all political and social issues. You should routinely criticize the things that you have both done. The only difference between you and Obama is that you should be sure not to relate to people in a human way, and occasionally make comments that perfectly caricature what liberals think about rich people.

Mitt, when you run for president in 2012 the only people who will compete with you should be completely unelectable. I'm thinking we either go with people who would not be out of place in an asylum...Bachmann and Perry, I'm looking at you...or we dig up some has-been politicians from the 90's who left office defeated and in disgrace. Does anyone have Newt or Santorum's number?

Lets come up with plenty of slogans that don't really mean anything and that aren't internally coherent. Sarah, I love your "keep your government off of my medicare" and "death panel" bits, keep them up! While peddling those, we'll bring up issues that we have already argued about and solved in previous decades.

Liberal Americans will feel like they've entered the twilight zone. The narrative will be so convoluted that they won't even know where to begin. Conservative Americans will be found sobbing on the floor in the fetal position with Rush ranting in the background.

Right then, we all run out and yell "you got punked!" Then we pass the "We Sure Got You Good Act" which balances the budget next year, pays off the deficit in 5, includes the Iran peace treaty that we negotiated last year, funds entitlements, lowers taxes, implements effective financial regulation, simplifies the tax code, and expands military spending. Then we can adjourn for the rest of the year since there will be nothing else to do."

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